Flying over the Rockies (Wasatch Plateau according to the GPS map) I decided to look out the window. Lucky me. I had just played my fav. tune of late by the Postal Service and the silver coloring of the white snowed peaks under my eyes, speckled with the light of small silent towns in this desert land made me think of the wonderful days I spent down there by Moab just a few short months ago.
I have fallen in love with this country. I have fallen in love with its desert and its red colors. It’s people and attitudes. Culture and language. Its opportunities.
Yet in that love I feel an implicit cheating. Cheating on the people that got me here in the first place. Cheating on the country that also made me the way that I am. Can’t deny that I do feel like something’s gotta give. A decision has to be made and it is the toughest decision I’ve ever had to consider.
The decision to grow roots here or there is upon me. And I don’t yet know what it will be. Help me find out. Please.
Well maybe I’ve helped you find a reason to stay here in this country you love. You’ve certainly made me find a reason for all kinds of things I hadn’t imagined finding with a Spanish man here in my home state of California. You’ve talked about what it was like for you when you came back from Spain last time, and now I’ve gotten a better idea from reading your blog. It’s funny, reading this makes me want to have one. I have always loved writing, and this kind of writing too… just whatever I’m thinking about or whatever is happening in life. It feels like by writing about something you think about it in different ways than when the thoughts are merely coursing through your mind.
I can’t help asking myself what your trip home from Spain will be like this time. You will be coming home to something so different than last time. Will you compare? There is so much beautiful possibility for you here now. So much hope of a future you could not have seen or imagined when you wrote this posting back in March. I think those such great heights will be even greater when you come home this next time. What do you think?
Willow